We've all seen the movies from the "classic" times; a young man falls in love with a young woman, and he jumps through all sorts of hoops to get her attention, leaving letters for her to read and doing sweet things to win her affection. In their day, those were the tools they had to utilize to gain someone's affection. Fast forward 80 years and now you have cell phones, laptops, Facebook, and many other vehicles to express affection for another, whether romantic or platonic. The first of these new media technologies I will discuss as it relates to courting is Online Dating (eharmony.com, match.com, etc.) and its implications. Here is an excellent article in which the NY Times discusses Online Dating and the science behind it (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/29/science/29tier.html).
In the article, Dr. Buckwalter, a psychologist who had previously been a research professor at the University of Southern California, asserts that online dating works because it matches personality similarities and diminishes the differences between partners that can often lead to arguments and disagreements. “We’re not looking for clones, but our models emphasize similarities in personality and in values,” Dr. Buckwalter said. “It’s fairly common that differences can initially be appealing, but they’re not so cute after two years. If you have someone who’s Type A and real hard charging, put them with someone else like that. It’s just much easier for people to relate if they don’t have to negotiate all these differences.”
Online dating has spread like wildfire. Once considered awkward and potentially dangerous, online dating is now a popular tool in the hunt for everlasting love. But is it? I think online dating has merit: there is a system that pairs you with like-minded individuals and matches you based on a set of criteria that you have deemed "important." Then on a daily basis, these matches are delivered to you via an online interface and you are able to communicate with these people using set communication steps that are established by the online service you use. Sounds like a great way to meet people that have common interests! But has it made it "too easy" for guys and girls to engage in communications with multiple people, taking away the element of enabling a "committed relationship"? It's right there, you are more than welcome to have communications with multiple matches at one time, and it's not like the different matches know about each other. Or do they?
This week, my girl friend (we'll call her B), who subscribes to eharmony, had an experience with online dating that she would sure like to forget, and for sure has made her a cynic from here on out. She had been using eharmony for about a month. She started talking with two individuals, we'll call them T and R. After going through the motions, she went out on a date with T, who was very nice but just didn't have what she was looking for in terms of a mate. Then she went on a date with R, with whom she felt much more compatible with. She went out with R multiple times and was really starting to think that this could go somewhere. Enter B's girl friend P whom she had convinced to join eharmony after a string of bad dating incidents. B and P had been exchanging eharmony stories and sharing their experiences, so much so that B showed P the profile and pictures of R to show her friend how much he had going for him, how cute he was, etc. (Girls love their girlfriend's opinion when it comes to guys). B had told P to great length about R and how well things were going. So one night, P goes onto her eharmony to check out some recent communications that had been delivered, and wouldn't you know: R had requested communication! P was floored. For one, she was starting to think that R was a nice guy, so happy for her friend B who seemed happy. And now she had to have that awkward communication with her friend and say, "So R is apparently still on the market and actively searching..." much to her dismay.
This is just one example of the implications of new media as it relates to courting in the 21st century. Individuals now have SO many options when it comes to dating that how does one know when they are "the one" for someone else or just "one of many"? Do you think R would have had the ability to court 2, 3 or 10 different ladies at once with only a pen and paper? Another question that the NY Times article above brings up is this notion of "knowing what you want" and when it comes to love, can we write down a list of "wants" and when that person arrives know they are your Prince Charming? “They think they know what they want,” Dr. Finkel said in the above NY Times article. “But meeting somebody who possesses the characteristics they claim are so important is much less inspiring than they would have predicted.”
i think this is an excellent blog topic . The media resources has had such an affect on the dating world- both good and bad. Yes it gives you the option to meet someone who you are compatible with and share common interests with- but I feel like back in the day you saw more people getting married younger to their 'true loves' that they grew up with or lived in the same town as. now a days I feel the marriage age is getting higher because there are more choices out there- which leads to making the commitment to one person a lot tougher.
ReplyDeleteLove this blog post. This is a very interesting topic you are diving into, and surely one with both positive and negative real word stories on it.
ReplyDeleteI like your point on how new technology has presented such a quick and easy way to begin courting a potential mate, whereas in the past, even courting one person could prove to be a daunting and timely task. From this aspect, I think that for men, the dating scene is too ‘quick and easy’. While they love the idea of “quick and easy”, their animal instincts desire more of a chase, and more of a challenge when finding a mate. Sending an e-vite to just one women…well, sure, she might be THE ONE. But, wouldn’t it be more of a challenge to e-vite and court 5 at once instead, and see which one stands out the most? And weed them out one by one? ;-)
Just remember, Ladies, although many of us are VERY close to perfect….the majority of our male counterparts are VERY far from perfect. ;-)