Facebook: The Official Referee for Relationships?

Subtitle: This blog will discuss a growing trend that your relationship "isn't official until it's on Facebook" and whether this has any merit.

I was driving home from the gym the other day when a caller was aired on 92.3 NOW saying this: "My friend told me that my relationship with my boyfriend wasn't official because it wasn't on Facebook." And of course, this sparked a lengthy debate all across the tri-state arguing whether this was actually true or not. There were so many callers that wanted to ring in on this debate that it became clear that this is obviously a hot topic. People feel very strongly about this. So it made me think: is Facebook the new relationship referee?

I took to my own Facebook page to see what people thought of this notion and let me tell you, I had my own debate to referee because the truth is, it is a subject that so many people can not only relate to but have experienced personally. The comments I received were mixed; here is a sample of some of the responses. Which one do you agree with?

"Depends of the person, I don't think Facebook makes ur relationship official, just exposes the fact u r in one to the people u r not that close with that wouldn't know u r in one without Facebook, besides there's a lot of guys that don't have Facebook to do the whole in a relationship with thing"

So this response disagrees with the post but ackowledges the fact that Facebook does play a part in relationships, to communicate with people you are not so close with that you are in a relationship. My response would be: why do they need to know?

Next:

"no doubt. You need to announce that on FB. Same goes for breaking up to. lol so stupid"

This one says Facebook is important to solidify not only that you are in a relationship but also when your current one is over. Interesting.

The Next:

"While I agree that it is a little ridiculous that it has come down to that, it's been my experience that the guys that have a problem with "acknowledging" their relationship on facebook or who aren't FB "friends" with their girlfriend have something to hide, whatever it may be. They will of course come up with reasons for it, like why it's "dumb" because FB doesn't mean anything. If it doesn't mean much then why do you care if people know you're with that person?! You should be proud!"

Of all the responses I received, I personally agree with this one most, but then again, I'm a hopeless romantic in a high-tech digital world. But the notion here is that the reason Facebook relationship statuses have become so important is because of Facebook itself! It's well documented that Facebook has increased the temptation and therefore the act of cheating because it is so easy to flirt and find previous flames behind your current lover's back. But if you show in your profile that you are "in a relationship" then you can't use Facebook to creep. I also agree with this because you should be proud to show off your partner! I have to say that when I started my current relationship, I couldn't WAIT to change my relationship status on Facebook; I wanted the whole world to know that I was with this person and that I was happy.

Then I got a link to the following video, which was the perfect move to add some levity to a serious debate. Thanks Naz!

"It's official on Facebook, it's official in my book, you may now kiss the bride."

Then I got the first official "I don't agree post" with the following:

"TOTALLY don't agree... there can be many reasons why people want to keep their personal lives just that "personal" (I know folks who are married (and talk about being married on FB) but don't "share"... I even know folks who don't even contact their "other" or talk about them on FB.. yet they are still TOTALLY with them (aka married w kids)... I, for example am job hunting... employers may look at FB. I don't need any "entanglements". i also don't want anything mushy or unprofessional... the other is very basic- personal privacy.it's your right.. .Just bc you talk to your server at a restaurant doesn't mean he/she needs to know your relationship status.. it's a matter of personal preference.. honestly there is nothing wrong with it but no NEED for FB to dictate fully describe your personal life. (BTW i have done both...)"

This response has many valid points, and frankly, a well said argument for the other side. Some people want their personal life to remain personal and there is nothing wrong with that! As long as this (ie: professional or desire for privacy) is the reason for shunning the Facebook status and not foul play then I can't disagree. It comes down to a personal preference.

And the rebuttal which brought the discussion to a close:

"I agree that it is strange if someone doesn't acknowledge a personal relationship on Facebook (more specifically a marriage)... If some is married to you offline why would you not acknowledge that in your online life. While dating relationships all can range in seriousness or commitment levels (and someone may not want to be "in a relationship" on FB).. .marriage is a legal bond. If you can't acknowledge that online...then something is off."

And with that I am once again in agreement for Pro Facebook on relationship statuses.

I purposely posted these responses because I think it is important to understand that this is a real world topic of dispute and issues like these are surrounding us on a daily basis. While some have their arguments against technology and prefer an old-fashioned basis of communication, the idea is that technology is going to get even more advanced and new issues surrounding our every day lives, including dating and relationships, are going to face new challenges. When I was a young teenager, the relationship phenomenon was chatting online. Remember going into chat rooms and typing "A/S/L"? Or having an argument with your boyfriend via IM (Instant Message)? The real question is: how can we utilize the given technologies to bring us closer instead of tearing us apart?

I, for one, am an advocate for the Facebook "in a relationship status." I knew my last serious relationship was over when my ex changed his status to "single" after a late night dispute, I knew a summer romance was not a real, committed relationship because he would not pledge his allegiance to me, on Facebook or in real life, and I knew my current relationship was real deal Holyfield when we made it "official on Facebook." I am proud to show the world that I am with him and continue to confirm that by posting pictures of us together, statuses which include what "we" are doing and friending his friends. The ironic thing is: while Facebook is an "online network" that some people scoff at, there are so many ways in which we can show our affection and commitment to someone on the site, sometimes in ways that are bigger and more important than face-to-face actions. Be proud to show the world your significant other, I know I am.